A good, long-lasting relationship asks you to fall in love again and again. A long marriage may feel like a series of marriages, though always to the same person. A long-term friendship rarely keeps the terms of endearment unchanged over time. How can you stay alive in your feelings of love when not much else stays the same?
It is reassuring to recognize that all enduring relationships pass through seasons. There are seasons of great pleasure and enjoyment, seasons of surrender, seasons where the relationship feels quiet or dormant, and, if it is to remain fully alive, seasons of new growth and discovery.
If, as Einstein tells us, “Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love,” then what is? Love is one of the great mysteries best engaged by listening to the deeply stirring questions it evokes. Love asks you to consider “How can I open more?”, “How can I give more?”, and “How can I bring myself more fully to this relationship?”
Love has asked these questions through decades of human relationships.
Here are some time-tested answers:
Never stop wanting the best for your partner.
Never stop accepting your differences, or celebrating your similarities, or dancing in the space in between.
Never stop looking into your partner’s eyes, for behind all the things you may have seen about your partner, there is a universe full of mystery yet to be revealed.
Never confuse infatuation with love: one says “I want you,” the other says “I want what’s best for you.” You can have both.
Never fear giving too much love, it will only free your heart and fill you with inner peace.
Never try to control a relational tide, it’s ebbs and flows are natural. But, stay attuned because certain conditions create rip tides and huge withdrawals are sure signs of an impending tsunami.
Never compare the inside of your relationship to the outside of someone else’s.
Never assume you know what your partner or friend is thinking and feeling when you could enjoy being curious.
Never focus on faults when there are strengths worth admiring.
Never withhold acknowledgment, appreciation, affirmation, affection, or attention.
Never assume you are too old to fall in love, too damaged to be lovable, or too insignificant that your love won’t make all the difference in another person’s life.
During seasons of conflict:
Never stop giving better than you get.
Never stop choosing to say “I understand,” when the voice inside would rather say, “I’m right!”
Never stop listening to feedback, even if, after trying it on, you dump it because it really doesn’t fit.
Never run out of a supply of forgiveness, flexibility, and fairness.
Never try to resolve a conflict by starting with a completely closed heart.
By giving an ounce of openness you’re more likely to find pounds of possibilities for resolution.
Never stop removing the barriers that start covering your heart the minute there is a cross word, a disappointment, or a hurt.
Enduring relationships invite you to live big questions, overlook small hurts, and never stop falling in love.